Indicators

If I look back on it there were certain indicators that things weren't right.

The week before the 2nd miscarriage I definitely got run down. I thought I was just picking up a cold that Jasmine had had but I now think they were signs that my body was struggling to cope. I had a touch of a cold but also had mouth ulcers and diarrhea. On the Friday I also remember feeling conflicted. That is probably the best way I can describe it. I had a melt down. Lost it with Jasmine when I shouldn't have. Things felt turbulent. That dreaded Saturday morning I woke up in a mood. Sluggish, struggling. I didn't have that nauseous feeling that had started in the mornings and I felt strained and tired like I hadn't slept.

We did more tests. On the Wednesday the Hcg levels confirmed that the pregnancy was terminating. The levels went from 250 on Friday, to 89 on Monday down to 36 on Wednesday. Pre conception levels are anything under 5. I researched and researched. In a way I felt relieved that my body was, in some way, behaving somewhat normally. In another way I struggled to face each day and kept myself to myself not wanting to talk to friends or family and admit yet another disaster.