The week after the d+c I felt fantastic. Lighter, relieved. Finally the nightmare was over. Or so I thought. I was determined not to get obsessed about getting pregnant again but to try and live healthily and enjoy this extra bit of time/ life I had before getting pregnant again.
At the same time I began to realise that physiologically there was quite a lot I didn't know about the body and how and what happens during conception and pregnancy. A friend lent me a book and I began to do some reading. While I thought during this time that I was quite relaxed I now look back and realise that perhaps I was still going through the motions of grief and acceptance. This time was made especially difficult by the fact that many of my friends were now giving birth to their second children or were announcing they were pregnant. I now realise that I became quite depressed and before I knew it was drinking and smoking quite heavily as a distraction to the angst and sorrow I was feeling.
Two months went by and I had not yet had a period. I began to worry even though I knew stress may well only make things worse. After a trip to the doctor, with her telling me that this is completely natural, that my cycle may take months to return and that stress would only delay things, I managed to convince her to send me for blood tests and and ultrasound. I had had some pain, which I thought may be ovulation or period pain but with no evidence of either.
The 6 week ultrasound in the last pregnancy had shown evidence of a cyst on my right ovary. This had not been present in my pregnancy with Jasmine and so had developed in the last 18 months. The obstetrician had explained that it looked like a dermoid, a usually benign tumour that typically contains a diversity of tissue including hair, teeth, bone. He said that it was not anything to worry about at the time of the pregnancy but that it may grow and that they do have the risk of being cancerous later in life.
The blood tests came back showing little progesterone which indicated that in 2 months I had not ovulated. Based on the pain that I had been feeling in the past week I pushed for an ultrasound. The doctor was reluctant however finally conceded due to the presence of the cyst and my insistence.
The ultrasound showed a small amount of unidentifiable fluid in my uterus which contained some tissue. There was no change to the cyst. I was devastated. What was this thing? Was it left over from the pregnancy? Was this why my hormone levels were not going back to normal? Did this have anything to do with the miscarriage in the first place? Could this be a new pregnancy?! I daren't even think that way.
The obstetrician could not identify what this 'thing' was. He said it was unlikely that it was left over from the pregnancy or that it was a new pregnancy due to the absence of Hcg pregnancy hormone in my bloods. We waited a week and did more tests just to make sure. With still no return of my cycle and no Hcg in my blood tests we decided that another d+c was needed to check and remove whatever this thing was. While under anesthetic the obstetrician would remove the cyst from my ovary as well.
On the 30th March I went back into hospital. It was like dejavue. Had I not just been here? Done this? Only I underestimated it this time...
I thought that as the procedure was relatively similar that the recovery would be the same. I was mistaken! The operation took longer due to the removal of the cyst therefore this meant more anesthetic and I don't do anesthetic well! Also the obstetrician had mentioned that to remove the cyst they pump gas into your uterus so as to see better the area they need to work on. He had mentioned that this may cause some pain.
Oh my goodness. What an understatement! I have never ever felt anything like this! I was very groggy and in quite a bit of pain although they had given me anti nausea drugs and heavy painkillers before my husband came to collect me. Just before he arrived I was sick and struggled to stand for the pain. However when Mike arrived with Jasmine I saw the shock and concern on her little face.
She didn't like seeing me there. Hooked up the tubes and drips. Pale and worried. She kept pulling my hand and saying 'Up Mummy - Let's go!' I should have stayed longer but I couldn't do it to her. I pushed myself to get dressed and while Mike took Jasmine to the car they wheeled me downstairs in a wheel chair.
That night the pain was tolerable. As morning dawned and the painkillers and anesthetic wore off it was immense. It was the gas more so that the scars in my abdomen that reduced me to a screaming mess. I rang the hospital at 6am telling them I couldn't move, couldn't breath for the pain. They explained that it was the gas that had been left in my body. Apparently they try to pump as much out as possible but inevitably there will be some left over. Gas rises and so was trying to escape my body! I could literally feel it rising through my body - into the tips of my shoulders and under my diaphragm. Moving from lying to sitting would cause it to rip through my body reducing me to yelling fits of 'Help! help!!' as I couldn't move either way to elevate the pain. Luckily my Mum was able to come and take Jasmine away as there was no way with Mike back at work that I could even look after myself let alone her.
It took 36 hours for the gas to escape my system and the pain to subside. The only thing that made it all worth while was that I started to bleed. Finally. What looked and felt like a period. Maybe now things would go back to normal.
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